lately, i've been thinking about coincidences... and mainly that i'm not really certain i believe in them.
august 7th is just another day of the year for most of you. for me? well, first, it's my birthday... and we're
just a few months away. yay. but i also share the birthday with a dear
person which i've had to pause and wonder what, if anything, that means. he's the first august 7th birthday holder i've ever known so that's nice to have someone to share the day with although i'm not that big on celebrating my birthday. i've written about how getting excited about my birthday has been tough for me in the past handful of years given my father passing away right before my 21st birthday... but there's also another interesting story about the day august 7th that i've
never really written about but has been top of mind for me of late, especially when i ponder my lack of belief for coincidences, and how everything must happen for a reason.
learning about my grandfather.
probably during my early high school years, so that would be in the 90's, there were some somewhat significant South and North Korea reunification talks. i mean, i know it happens every few years, but this time around, it felt major. or at least maybe my family made it seem major. the idea of South and North Korea becoming one again? it was a completely mind blowing and jubilant and lets-not-get-our-hopes-up-too-high all at the same time for my family with my grandmother in particular being the most ecstatic but and nervous of the lot.
for me, it was also a time of major education - about the history of my people, the policies that have shaped where we are today... but perhaps even more significant, this was one of the few instances that my family was actually quite open about and willing to unravel for me more and more about our family's history - including bits about my biological grandfather. and where to start with learning about my biological grandfather...
first, there was the gleam in both my mother and grandmother's eyes when they spoke about him. you know that look that people get? that dream-like look where you can practically see an actual twinkle in their eyes? that's the look my mother and grandmother both had as they told me more about my grandfather. it seemed that my grandfather, he was this unbelievably brilliant man... like, the kind of man that all women swooned over and of course, they all hated my grandmother for because she was the fortunate one to snag him. he was smart and he was tall and he was handsome. and of course, he had this charm about him which drew people in. and then there was this great laugh of his. distinct, and robust. he was also successful, and prominent in the community my family lived in when they were still in Seoul as he was the editor of a widely printed daily newspaper. he was the total package.
beyond on all that good stuff though, my grandfather was also a principled man. and this, above all else, is what made him so great. sadly though, it would also be what would eventually take him away from my family because during the Korean War, the push journalists felt to print propaganda... well, you can imagine. but this principled grandfather of mine took a pretty firm stance on not printing anything that wasn't objective - regardless of whether it flattered the South or North Koreans, the Chinese or Americans. he printed what he needed to print... and this caused waves. people didn't like him for it yet he stood firm on the issue. and for that, he paid a price.
august 7th... 1950 something...
i still vividly remember learning this story. we were sitting at the dining room table at my house. my grandmother was visiting Seattle. she sat across from me, and my mother sat to my right. neither of them could look at me as they recounted this...
it was the early 1950's in Seoul, the Korean War was still raging on. my mother was maybe three of four at that time when they came around knocking. maybe more accurately, they began by pounding on the doors of their house and it woke everyone up. my grandfather rushed out to see what the commotion was about and then they stormed into the house which was followed by yelling and shouting. there was some kind of resistance, or at least an attempt at resistance, followed by screaming and pleading. all the while, my mother stood peering out from a doorway and watched as they took her father, my grandfather, away that night. and he was never to be seen again.
all this happened on august 7th.
fast forward to reunification talks.
i remember the crying when my mother and grandmother shared this story with me. a lot of crying. and for a lot of different reasons.
i cried for their loss, which up until then, i had never known about. i cried because it was then that my grandmother shared with me the similarities she saw in me and my grandfather, this completely amazing person who caused my mother and grandmother both to get a twinkle in their eyes when speaking of him - our laugh, the bone structure in our faces, our talents. i cried for the incredible fact that the day he disappeared was the same day i entered into this world, albeit decades later. and i cried quite a bit more, but maybe more so bittersweet tears, at the thought of my grandmother being reunified with her long, lost husband.
there were even more bittersweet tears for the reality of my grandmother's situation simply as a woman. it had been 40 or so years since she had seen her husband and the thought of being reunited with him in her older age? it freaked her out. so her reaction? she went out and bought all sorts of face creams and so-called wrinkle
removers because she was feeling old, and she felt like she needed to do something about her appearance. she feared that if she were reunited with her husband, he wouldn't recognize her as the older woman she had become since he last saw her as a wrinkle free 20 something wife. but there were also tears shed because i recognized that the reunification
talks could have been for nothing. and then there was also the reality - which no one wanted to admit - that my grandmother might not even have
someone alive to be reunited with.
and here we are more than ten years later. my mother turns 60 this year which puts my grandmother and grandfather both well into their 80's. reunification talks between South and North Korea have come and gone several times since my high school years and the two countries still remain separated by the 38th parallel and the most heavily fortified area on our planet earth. we still don't know if my grandfather is alive, we don't know if Korea will ever be one country, and i fear that in my mother and grandmother's lifetime, we may never have either issue resolved. but meanwhile... august 7th keeps coming around year after year with me still refusing to believe in coincidences and always wondering what's meant to happen next for me.
