jessica lee writes.

Hey Boyfriend? Can You Help Me Find A New Job?

i received a call and then an email from this guy yesterday. the email read:

Good Afternoon Mrs. Lee,

First off let me start off by saying, I'm by no means a recruiter/HR firm/HR agency. I'm only here to help out my friend with finding a strong and reliable firm and your company is one to be highly recommended.

So on that note, I'm proud to say that <<name removed to protect her from shame, lol>> is not only a perfect candidate but also an asset to you. I've seen her grow strongly with her efforts at <<school name removed to protect them from shame>> and strived to grasp all aspects in the PR industry...

the email went on.

a little confused, i compared his company name against her resume as he sent the email from a work account and referenced who he worked for in his voice mail too... but no clarity on what his relationship was with the gal whose resume he sent. so i did the most logical thing - i emailed him back and simply asked why he was contacting me instead of her contacting me directly. his response? it was his girlfriend whose resume was attached. her email was down, and he was contacting me on her behalf. is this weird to anyone else?

i know times are tough, but for job seekers out there, you have to be your own advocate. i won't accept calls from your mother, brother, father, uncle or significant other. you're an adult and you've got to do this on your own. we all have advisers we seek out and turn to for advice - but they can't do the dirty work for you. what this simple act translated to is me thinking that the job seeker isn't able to act independently and that she lacked resourcefulness. if her internet was down, she should have gone to the library or Kinkos or a friend's house if she wanted to get her resume to me that badly. and sadly, it reinforced negative stereotypes about millennials and their reliance on helicopter parents (or pseudo replacements like a boyfriend.)

the little act of job seeking pity hearkened me back to a piece ran that in the New York Times a few weeks ago on the family that job hunts together. i had to appreciate the story providing a glimpse into what the realities are of the job market - at every generation level... but what it highlighted is that families can commiserate together. they can share strategies - but we didn't see in the article family members becoming each others spokesperson or henchman. mommy or your boyfriend can't come with you to your interview, right? at a certain point, you've gotta do this on your own.

now what i do want to learn from this candidate? how she got her boyfriend to do this for her because how awesome would it be if i could get a guy to pick up my dry cleaning, take out the trash and schedule an appointment for my next haircut, pick up a present for my niece's birthday, schedule and book travel for my next trip, fix my leaking bathroom sink.. i've got a honey-do list sitting around here somewhere...

When to Walk Out of an Interview.

i was was a little jarred earlier in the week when i experienced something i've never experienced in the thousands of interviews i've done over the years - i had a candidate cut the interview short. she ended it! granted, it was by phone, so that made it a little easier to stomach... but 15 minutes into the phone call, after i had asked her a question and she paused and we had about ten seconds of silence, she blurted out that she thought this was going horribly as she wasn't able to articulate herself as she would have liked to. she quickly followed up with that she didn't think this would be a good fit, and then hung up. i couldn't get a word in to save my life, no less save the interview. wow.

stepping back and looking at this situation... a few things.

she was a little nervous. and she was having difficulty articulating herself. i probed her and asked plenty of follow up questions to draw answers out of her. i'm not ruthless or evil in interviews though - i just ask a lot of questions if you're giving me short answers, that is if i think you've got something i want to know about. make sense? i was willing to work with her, hence all the follow up questions i asked. if i didn't think she was worth it, i wouldn't have bothered. she was clearly lacking a bit of confidence though so i must have scared her with my probing. given this market though, isn't now is the time to man up?

personally, i've walked out of two interviews before - but for good reasons, maybe, kind of, sorta. i was interviewing for a gig and the panel i met with was so horribly uncomfortable, boring and depressing - you could sense the tension in the room among the panel - that i honestly couldn't make it through the interview. 20 minutes in, i looked at them point blank and said, "this isn't going to be a good fit." and i walked out and left. time number two? in retrospect, i'm not sure it was fair of me... but this recruiter looked at me and asked, "if you were a dog, what kind of dog would you be?" my knee jerk reaction was just to respond, "a bitch?" and then walk out. (how else are you supposed to answer that question?) but i simply said i didn't understand where this was going. i couldn't go through with the interview after that. he was a rookie recruiter who was fumbling his way through the whole thing and i just couldn't deal. maybe he was having a bad day, or maybe it was me. having a bad day who knows. i'm sure he still remembers me as the one who walked out on him.

i do think that there are times to cut an interview short though - as a recruiter, or as a candidate... but what about you? have you ever walked out of an interview? or have you had candidates walk out on you? and when is it okay if ever?

Smart Job Seeker or Gimmicky?

this is truly a sign of the times. i received a few emails from colleagues this morning telling me that i needed to go check out this "kid" on the corner of 13th and G streets in downtown Washington, D.C. who was standing there in a suit and an orange sign that read "entry level job seeker." of course, i went to go investigate.

his name is Michael Volpe and he's a physics grad from SUNY at Genesco who spent two years in the peace corp working in South Africa as a school and community resource volunteer. his interests lie in the environment, energy, international development and foreign affairs. DC is the right town for him given his interests and peace corp experience - and he's obviously a smart kid as a physics major. for the sheer cajones it takes to stand out on he street like this... i like it and i thought i'd share with you a bit about him. he said he was tired of the internet job search and wanted to stand out in a different way - and it's working. i don't think he's right for my firm - but maybe he's right for you! download his resume here.

More on Diversity: I'm Not a Sell Out. I Just Play the Game.

last night, i was putting the final touches on a presentation deck for a career development workshop my firm is hosting in conjunction with the Lagrant Foundation. for those not in the PR or advertising industry, Lagrant is an amazing organization whose mission is to increase the number of ethnic minorities in public relations and advertising by providing scholarships, career development workshops, professional development, mentors and internships.

we're hosting 40 or so students from DC area universities for a half-day session (plus lunch! free food!) where i'm having our CEO, our NYC office managing director/chief diversity officer and a slew of others from my firm talk with the students on a range of topics to equip them with tools and a realistic picture of what it's like to work in the PR industry. we'll end the day with my team talking about how they can set themselves apart as candidates and the basics of entering into the world of PR.

the content of much of the workshop isn't particularly groundbreaking - and we've done many similar talks for recruiting purposes with other student groups... but today's session feels different because it's with Lagrant students - all minorities. and more than anything, i'm really pleased about the level of access they are getting to our senior leaders in hopes that we can begin building relationships with all of them... because this is exactly what i think the best diversity programs are made of - access and relationship building.

that all being said... i had a moment of panic last night as i was thinking about the workshop. i saw this blog posting about why too few women make it to the top. have a read. i laughed as i initially read through it because there are definitely pieces that resonate with me and specifically that i:

• do see this as a game, and i play it.
• capitalize on relationships.
• don't ask for permission.
• don't cry at work. (or at least, i have tried really, really hard... there was that one time i went out for a haircut during the lunch hour and was completely devastated with the result and had a nervous breakdown at work... oops.)

but as i pondered reasons why too few women make it to the top and the author's list, i couldn't help but to wonder if there were another way to read the post - that this is how white men in the US make it to the top, that these are the expectations of leaders and what you have to do to be successful. (and yes, i think a lot of what is included is very Western.) does that make sense though? because if you currently have mostly white males at the top, the reasons listed for why women don't make it to the top actually could very well also be reasons why everyone else doesn't make it to the top including minorities of either gender.

touchy subject for some, i know. however i do believe 100% that i wouldn't be where i am now had i not decided to play the game. deciding to even play though was something i struggled with - and i bet some of these students will probably go through the same. for me? i still feel strongly about the fact that there is a Western notion of what an ideal leader looks like - and it's why you have the same kind of people leading organizations here. and deep down inside, i don't want to accept that it has to be this way and that i can't be successful as a leader in a different manner... because after all, you have different ideals for leadership in other cultures and wildly successful organizations, so it has to mean that leaders don't really all have to be one way. yet i also recognize it will take lifetimes for that to change. it's difficult to reconcile this.

helping me though... years ago, i had an Asian American leader say to me once when i confessed i struggled with the idea of doing things professionally that seemed really counter to how i was raised, culturally. i told him that i felt like i was being disrespectful and a sellout in some ways by choosing to play the game. but he said something to me that has stuck with me... and it was simply that he never felt like it had to be an either/or proposition. during the day, to get ahead, to be successful, you play the game recognizing that it is a game and it is a race. but the moment you leave your office walls and go home? game over. you don't have to continue playing and you can be yourself, your natural self including all the mannerisms or tendencies or living by values that are more in line with your culture... but it's not selling out to play the game. it's just doing what is necessary to be successful, and provide for your family at the end of the day. it's only selling out if you completely forget where you come from, who your people are, and choose to not give back to them.

this was an important lesson i had to learn... and i'm thinking i might have to share it with the students too...

Making You Look Good Makes Me Look Even Better.

for the first time ever in my little recruiting career, i recently dared to recruit a personal friend for a position with my company... and now?! she's a finalist for the role. i've never loved the idea of working with a friend... but the stars seemed to align in this situation so wonderfully that i decided to hell with it and made it happen.

last week, i wrote about how proud i was of her and how it helped remind me why i'm in this game and love what i do... and i felt that same thing again yesterday - brimming with pride as we determined that she is the best fit for the position and for our company's culture. i knew it all along, of course, but i'm biased just slightly - so it was great to have it confirmed by others. in chatting about my pal moving forward in the process though, i realized that in her thanking me for all my help throughout each step of our interview loop that she may have thought that my work and effort to get her to this point was because she's a friend. i mean sure, i'll accept her gratitude because whether she's offered/she accepts a role with my company, i'm just happy to have helped her get some clarity on the direction of her career. but, the reality of this situation is actually this: everything i've done for her is pretty much the norm and what i'd do for any candidate - friend or not. and maybe even more honest is that recruiting her has actually been self serving. let me explain...

all the background information i can give you, i'll give.

with this pal of mine, before she even threw her hat in the ring, we did a whole lotta talking just to see if we agreed the position would be a good match for her. and the ground we covered included:

• her background.
• the role as it was described on paper and then the intangibles plus what was advertised versus the actual job description. 
• the team the position was with and its structure, the manager for the role and the position's predecessor.
• how the position and team both fit into the bigger picture of the company.

walking through all of that helped her and me both figure out if she should really apply for the position. but truly? i do this with most all candidates in their first interview. the only difference with my friend was that i wanted her to make the decision about whether it was a good match before she officially threw her at in the ring. with a stranger? we can both decide in our first meeting about the fit  - and a part of the fit has to do with where they are in their career and their motivations compared to my needs. beyond figuring out fit, all of that talk is aimed at prepping a candidate, or my pal in this case, spectacularly for their successive interviews after they've been able to get through me.

making you look good makes me look good.

before any interview my pal walked into, she knew exactly who she'd be meeting with, a little about their background, their role in relation to the position she was interviewing for and what to expect from them in terms of demeanor, interview questions that could be asked and their interests. on her own, she also did her own homework - which i'd expect the best candidates to do. (my prep isn't ever enough to carry anyone, and if it is, i'm doing the candidate a disservice.) my pal googled the heck out of everyone she could possibly could, unearthing articles and background information even i wasn't aware of... and then she found a way to connect with each person she met with. couple that with the other background info, the result of all of our talking was that my pal was a prepared candidate. and that? made me look like an even better recruiter.

so for my HR and recruiting pals... i have got to ask you... what are you doing for your candidates? and is there any reason you wouldn't help your candidates wow the hiring managers you work with? i think *great* third party/agency recruiters do a good job at this - but there isn't any reason why an internal, corporate recruiter like me, or you, shouldn't do this too.

remember - making a candidate look good, makes you look good.

Job Seeker Advice: Informational Interviews.

you'd think how to get or approach an informational interview is basic... but apparently it isn't (because i've sat through some doozies...) so let me walk you through informational interviews. and yes, lately, i find myself doing more than ever. there are a lot of you on the market, and i want to help in what ways i can... but know this - i can't meet with everyone who is unemployed or who wants to break into PR or who wants to move to DC and you happen to be in town... i'm like a choosy mom choosing Jiff. i've gotta narrow it down.

firstly, reasons i'll do an informational interview...

• a good friend or family member of MINE has asked me to and there's a match for your background to my company, although i might not have a specific position for you now.
  
• you've sought me and my company out, did your homework on BOTH of us, and you've written me something really compelling that demonstrates you know how you'd fit into our bigger picture and culture. bonus points when you use social media to connect with me and have worked to develop some rapport digitally before even making the ask of an informational interview.
  
• i have met you in person at some kind of networking event and you made a very, very positive impression on me.
• someone very senior in my firm or a client of my company's has asked me to meet with you. the reality of this (and the good friend/family favor) sucks but i cannot say no to my President, CEO or managing director although to others i will...

keep the above reasons in mind as you seek out a recruiter or hiring manager and then figure out how to use those tips to get yourself an informational interview. once i've agreed to meet with you, maximize the opportunity. i'm often disappointed with how ill-prepared people are when coming for an informational interview. i have had brilliant individuals who showed up prepared and ready with lots of questions (usually those who written me something really compelling...) and then i have had a decent amount of individuals who have failed to impress me in anyway and some where the informational interview lasts 15 minutes long... (usually everyone else listeda bove.)

preparing for your informational interview...

1. you drive the informational interview. you ultimately requested it so you drive the meeting. i am not going to prep a lot for the meeting and i have no structure for informational interviews except for i want to hear you sell yourself, tell me why i should consider you the future... and then answer any questions you have.
   
2. do some homework on my company, and me. scour our website, google me and then have lots of questions for me.
3. ask for feedback on your resume and experience and whether it's a match for the organization and future opportunities.
4. have no expectations for the informational interview to bring outcomes.

know that i usually am scheduling 30-60 minutes with you... and that's pretty much covers it. bottom line - be strategic in obtaining the informational interview, and once you've secured a meeting, maximize your time. and hopefully... at some point, i'll have *the perfect job* for you.

What Do I Wear To My Interview?

this blog is a lot of things. mainly though, it's a dumping ground and playground for ideas. here's a new one. are you dressing for success? want to have an HR pro/corporate recruiter give you an honest opinion of your interview outfit?

i've been in the HR world since 2000, and i've interviewed thousands of candidates. many come to interviews making a poor first impression - and i also have friends ask me all the time for interviews... what should i wear? it's a legitimate question. and so here's your chance. i'll tell you BEFORE your interview what i think of your outfit. here's how it will work:

1. you send me a picture of you in your interview outfit.
2. you'll tell me the kind of position you're interviewing for, and the specific company it's with - or if you haven't yet landed the interview, share with me where you're trying to break in, or the kind of organizaiton you're targeting.
3. i'll post your picture online (we can crop out your face - or not if you want me to tell you what i think of your hair) and then give you an honest critique. and other HR pros and recruiters might jump in too. we're an opinionated community afterall.

easy enough, right? so let's get started. email your photograph and a description of your gig to jessicaleewrites at gmail dot com.

You're A Graduating Senior... And So Now What?

i was at Georgetown University a few weeks ago chatting with a group of students. the topic of the visit of course was recruiting focused but like so many other employers visiting college campuses across the country, i had few positions to actually discuss. we can file that visit under pipeline development.

we talked about what my organization does, the kinds of skill sets and qualities we look for, career paths available... the usual stuff. but before we even broached the topic of positions available, i asked a simple question of the students: "how are you guys feeling about the job market and your job search as you near graduation?" i really wanted to know what they were going through.

most were discouraged and felt helpless. a few were looking for alternatives overseas. several were looking for other options to entering the workforce - another degree, a certificate program, the Peace Corp... anything to keep them further occupied while the market sorted itself out. and honestly, i felt badly for them. but i wasn't want to sugar coat it for them either. it's rough out there (albeit in DC, we're in a bubble of sorts...). many organizations are laying off and/or had hiring freezes. so what were they to do? well, it's the same advice i have found myself giving to experienced professionals who are on the market now too. four things:

- work on branding yourself digitally.
- network. (and you can find real power in networking digitally too.)
- wait it out but keep busy.
- do something entrepreneurial.

the latter three, no brainers, right? it's common sense advice, i think. but what i was surprised by was how few students had thought about how to turn all of their involvement in social media into something more tangible - like their personal brand, and possibly a path to their next/first job. some get it - but not all. check out Matthew Cadwallader, a senior at UMass who definitely gets it. he tweeted a reply to me recently when i put out a note that i am looking for junior level comms/public affairs pros and linked me to his website. and can i tell you how impressed i was? it is such a fantastic example of a student who gets personal branding and what a way to make an impression on a future employer!

i have another chat with a group of students this week on entering the "real" world - but this time with my firm's current crop of interns - and i plan to start off the chat by taking a tour of Matthew's website because i think it's that good.

anything else you think we should be telling students right now?

But Even My Fellow Recruiters Don't Get Personal Branding...

okay. so, it's not easy seeing one of your own kind in the news and "highlighted" (for all intents and purposes) as another group or profession that's being hit hard by unemployment. i mean it's logical, sure - there are less jobs to be filled so recruiters have less work to do... but it still isn't easy reading about unemployed recruiters - in the NEW YORK TIMES for Christ sake. i mean really! the new york times! { sigh. }

i have to confess something though - not even before finishing the first paragraph, where they named a recruiter... i  Googled her. and i couldn't find much beyond her LinkedIn profile so i double checked Twitter. and i found nothing. i then checked Facebook and found 15 possibilities giving her the benefit of the doubt on that one. and lastly, i checked recruitingblogs.com. nada. and before i could even finish the article, all i could think was... she must not be doing any social media recruiting (so how savvy could she be? ouch. i know... but come on, wouldn't you think the same thing?) but beyond that, she must not be doing ANYTHING about her personal brand in the social media space - and what a shame, especially as a job seeker! i'm sorry to say this, because i know it sounds b!tchy - but, maybe she might be employed or more employable if she had a social media footprint. feel me on that one? and yes, fair enough - simply having a social media presence and using it to enhance your personal brand doesn't guarantee you a job... but really, it couldn't hurt if you're branding yourself in a savvy way, right?

the article continued on and other recruiters were also highlighted - and keep in mind, these are all Silicon Valley recruiters and so i do assume this means their fairly tech savvy folks. but still, i couldn't find any of them on any social media sites. how disappointing! even our very own kind really aren't "getting" the power of social media for your personal brand when now is precisely the time to do whatever you can to set yourself apart and gain a competitive advantage... oh, and yes, there's that whole networking piece of it too. but if you're someone i know professionally and you're reading this, i don't need to lecture you because you clearly "get" it. for my other readers though... for any job seekers, my friends or family, establishing and leveraging your personal brand for the sake of your career? you've gotta do it and here's seven tips for getting started:

1. start stalking but don't get caught. a good place to begin with establishing your personal brand is sitting back and seeing what others are doing and how they are doing it. so, go ahead. stalk them. personal branding boils down to marketing yourself. learn from marketing pros who are general marketing strategists, and then also learn from  those within your industry or space who are doing it well.
   
2. establish a footprint, pronto. if you're not ready to jump right in, okay. that's understandable. but at least go and reserve your name on social networks so that when you are ready to jump in, no one will have stolen it from you. just register. go to Twitter, Facebook, your blogging platform of choice, LinkedIn and reserve your user name. these are the places i recommend you start. you could also reserve your name on other sites like Youtube, Vimeo, and through business/fan/personality pages of Facebook.
   
3. stay simple and be consistent. use a consistent name and a uniform picture across all platforms, and use your real name or a simple and professional version of your name. even i'm not great at this, i'll admit it - i use "jessica lee" everywhere i can but before jumping into the blogosphere professionally, i used my Korean name "surbee" everywhere and i still need to consolidate or change my user name on some sites.
   
4. don't whore yourself out. sure, i said to go sign up for all those sites, but, you don't have to be everywhere. seriously. you have individual and group blogs. you have professional associations and other industry communities with their own social networks. you have Twitter, and Facebook, and Youtube... you can't be everywhere, and you shouldn't be everywhere. it's better to have a strong voice that contributes quality matter to conversations in a few forums rather than being everywhere for "maximum exposure." plus, if you're everywhere, people will wonder... do you do any actual work if you're spending all of your time on social networks? don't spread yourself thin.
   
5. find someone to pimp you out. find a mentor. find a more established voice or persona in social media for your industry, and get to know them. start with stalking, but then gradually try to build a relationship and let them be your champion. people in the social media world are generally pretty supportive of one another and love to help new and emerging voices find their way. be part of social media communities and take advantage of the communities.
   
6. clean up your act. you more than likely already have a Facebook page and in establishing your personal brand, you'll expand into other places... make sure you clean your act up and are presentable on all fronts. (or, consider two completely separate user names/personas and don't even mix personal with professional). i'll blog more next month perhaps on monitoring your online reputation.
   
7. don't be too cute, don't be too silly. social media and social networking is... social. it's about conversations and communities and the very human nature of it makes it's a lot of fun. but, it's your personal brand at stake. it's what could lead you to your next job, or to professional development opportunities. you show and teach people how to treat you, you're shaping how people will see you - and more than likely, cute and silly aren't the factors your prospective employer really are interested in. too cutesy and too silly just doesn't scream professional or competent. witty and funny are still okay, but some things just don't translate well online, so use judgment.

there are folks who are professional personal branding strategists... but the first thing is to simply get started and see what and how others are doing... and then it's simply about being authentic. and if you want proof that this stuff works? well, i'm not only the president... you know that line. i'm your proof. blogging on Fistful of Talent has led me here and on Twitter among other places... and i feel like the opportunities keep come a knockin' as i keep on working on brand "me." there's something to this one folks...

What Do You Do In Your Spare Time?

it's an oldie but a goodie... i still remember reading this a while back... the best interview question ever. me? i think i don't have a favorite and i'd never say that one interview question is enough. it's always a bit of a dance we do. we chat. we go back and forth. but i ask a lot of questions. what can i say... i'm a curious gal. 

the folks over at the Harvard Business Review posted something recently about an interview question they think you should always ask - what do you do in your spare time? honestly, i don't think i've ever asked this... and i usually poke fun at people who list any hobbies on their resume unless they are related to some athletic skill. but the logic in asking this question:

"...People are often successful not despite their dysfunctions but because of them. Obsessions are one of the greatest telltale signs of success. Understand a person's obsessions and you will understand her natural motivation. The thing for which she would walk to the end of the earth...

Well, what do star receptionists do? Don't think of all the million things they might do. Just think of the one or two most important things. Perhaps the best ones are super friendly and well organized. Well, if a candidate likes to spend his spare time alone reading a book, he probably won't be your star. But if he throws a dinner party once a week, you'll know you've got a winner."

i thought about how i'd answer if the question were asked of me... and besides the normal stuff - friends, family, shopping, foodie stuff - i'd probably honestly answer that of late, i'm obsessed with work - even in my spare time, yes, i still work and i'm always thinking about work and somewhat coupled with that is that i spend a good deal of time in front of my laptop - i write, i read, i blog, i tweet, and i blog some more. obsession is a bit of a strong word... but that sums it up for me. and what would that tell you about me if i were a candidate? there's a clear committment to my craft, i'm constantly communicating, and i'm digitally inclined. i'd say, great qualities. but i wonder... what else would you hope or want an HR pro to say in response to that question? and how would you answer the question?

Monday Randomness.

this monday morning is all a jumble. here's some random thoughts:

• all the interviews we do - it's a blur, yeah? and it's hard for someone to stand out if you've been at this for any decent amount of time... but i'm sure we all have a few who stick out in our minds. here was one for me - she was a finance director with MCI and had been with them for about ten years. she was upwardly mobile and rose through the MCI ranks - and she'll be a CFO within the next few years i'm pretty sure. 

i've thought about her lately given all the bailouts and bankruptcies in the news - because what stood out for me in the interview was her attitude about staying with MCI through the accounting scandals and eventual bankruptcy. she was with them for the rise and greatness of MCI, and stayed with them through the end, managing a team of entry and mid-level folks. we spoke at pretty great length about retaining and motivating a team, in the midst of the bankruptcy... interesting dynamic. i was reading an article in the WSJ last night about how Lehman is still hiring and i immediately thought of her. to keep the wheels turning there and to keep folks motivated while they pull that beast apart and dissolve it, they could use a gal like her. because can you imagine that challenge? the ship is sinking, but there's still work to be done. and the work has gotta be well. no short cuts, no half-ass job... it's a unique leadership challenge that not just anyone is equipped to take on.  

• what makes more sense? when you have some big, fat issues the deal with... do you continue with it while the issues resolve themselves or do you go away and return when the problems have been dealt with if it turns out how the problems are solved are good for you? does that make sense? i can't decide. it's just that i worry about investing more of me, and more of my time, when it's quite possible that this isn't going to turn out in my favor.    

• so last monday was "black monday" and it all made me a little sick... the tens of thousands of layoffs. the next day, my big bro sent an email out to the family asking for advice. he and his wife had made an offer on their first home and were no longer sure if they should go through with it. the daily gloom of news about the economy and job cuts were freaking him out. is it really the right time to buy? would this be the best move for his family?

on the bright side, his company is doing well compared to others in silicon valley, and he's likely to receive a promotion this year. he's smart brilliant (like mensa brilliant) and makes enough to care for his family so that his wife doesn't have to work, and has enough saved to cover them for a few years should something happen. yet he still was worried about the big "what if." 

and me too. i'm in overdrive and trying to overcompensate given everything that's going on externally, just in case. i don't know what else to do. yet i can't imagine what the worries and fears and concerns are like for others. i mean really - my entire family talks about what's happening in the market and whether we could be impacted. and it's an interesting discussion to have because i look at us and see how privileged we actually are because of our respective levels of success. our parents were immigrants yet we're all pretty well situated and upwardly mobile yuppies in the making. me, an HR pro. my sister, a PR guru. my brother, a chemical engineer. their spouses, a school teacher and project manager. it's not as if we have to worry about plant closings or the like. i think we have no idea what others are struggling with. and i'm thankful, yet i feel lke such an ass all at the same time.

Women Are Mean - But That Doesn't Mean You Should Stay Away.

i'm slightly ashamed to admit it, but i've now watched several seasons of Bravo's reality show, the Real Housewives. it's entertaining, it's a little pitiful, and it's at times like watching a train wreck bound to happen... mouth open, jaw to the floor, eyes wide open. this particular episode i was watching, these ladies were scheming to take each other down through games and shame. you could see, ever so clearly, that the impetus of the game was the insecurity of one particular woman who worried she was no longer the prettiest of the crew. how awful, right? and it cemented something i hate to admit but that there's some truth to: girls and women are mean to one another. grown women included. what's so wrong with us?

i've been thinking about this issue - women and their relationships with one another. the cat fights, and the cattiness, and the inability to get along - ever since reading a posting from the Nobscot blog written by their CEO, Beth Carvin. she had written something in response to a posting that Penelope Trunk had written about career advice for women. Beth wrote:

"In a recent post, [Penelope] lambastes five career tips often given to women in the workplace. Along with ignoring the Best Companies for Women lists, she also suggests that women should avoid women-only networking groups. She states two reasons: women don't have as many connections as men and women are not supportive of other women."

from Penelope's blog, she wrote:

"...it’s clear that women are not particularly supportive of each other. everyone is competitive, but there are more problems between two women than between two men or between a man and a woman. I would like to tell you that this is outdated research and that with the post-feminist generation women are not so back-stabbing to each other. But it’s not true. Anne Manci‘s research at University of Wisconsin-Whitewater finds that the culture in the top ranks is still disturbingly slanted toward women taking down the best women."

interesting advice and take on the world - a little bit off though in my humble opinion. like Beth, i also thought Penelope was wrong. who else but other women understand you or me better than anyone else? i don't think we should limit ourselves to just women's-only networking groups, we should network where we can and with everyone who we think it makes sense to network with... but i think we need each other. sure, women can be competitive, and sometimes we aren't supportive of one another... but my observation has been that generally, women who opt out of the tribe of women, and women who say other women are not as supportive, it's usually because they are pretty insecure and can't develop meaningful relationships because of their insecurity and fear of competition... and i think this applies to their relationships both professional and personal. but not all women roll this way. there are some lovely lovelies who have been the greatest source of support in my life - and i'm betting you know many too. 

it's precisely the kind of advice that Penelope gives that further drives a wedge between our tribe. stay away from each other because we backstab! we're competitive so don't come near each other! that's the wrong call to action. some of us are prettier, some of us are smarter, some of you are taller, some of you are funnier. not all men or women are created equal, and that simply is what it is. but there's room to learn from one another, and support each other because only we know what it's like to be us. and besides, isn't competition healthy? i have an innate drive to do my best, but put me next to someone else who is also great? and i'm going to try to outdo them just because - but this doesn't have to be cruel and backbiting.

On Entering the PR World, and Sharing Your Knowledge.

i think recruiters should also be in the business of educating their talent pools. you are the expert on what it takes to get into and succeed in the industry you recruit for - so why not share that knowledge? it helps with managing the expectations of the pool you're recruiting from, right? agreed, it's hard to do this if you recruit broadly and across different industries... but if you are specialized, do everyone a favor and don't hoard information. in particular, i like reaching out and working with college students who are wanting to enter into the world of PR. here's a little bitty i pulled together for students on salary expectations once entering into the world of PR, and what to expect once you're in the door... i'm not huge on elaborate, long decks... i like to talk from them... but you should be able to get the gist of my message by having a look through. so... what are you doing to help enlighten the talent in your industry? 

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The Joys of Making Job Offers to Fresh Grads...

i interact a fair amount with fresh grads as we always seem to be hiring junior staff... and when making job offers to them? i've gotta be completely honest. i feel cheap. offering you a starting salary of thirty-something-thousand a year just seems cruel. and i'm here in Washington, DC after all; it can be expensive to live here. sure, this isn't New York City, and it's not San Francisco either, but still, Forbes ranks DC the 10th most expensive US city to live in.

okay, okay. i know...  these fresh grads are coming to me with liberal arts degrees - most of the kids entering into PR or public affairs have studied communications, journalism or political science. this isn't a technical field, and they need to work their way up the ladder. and sure, in many instances, i'm giving them their first professional job. yes, that's a memory i like being part of... but still - i don't like dashing their dreams. and i know most of them have expectations that go beyond my offer so my thirty-something-thousand a year offer doesn't knock their socks off - and i always want to make an offer that is fair, and will make the prospective hire feel good about their decision to join my firm. but with fresh grads in particular? it's tough. and i really wish their expectations were better managed before coming to me. who's telling them anyways that they should/could demand say... fifty-something-thousand a year for a communications or PR job, fresh out of undergrad? oh that's right... they are millenials. and they all talk amongst each other about pay.

so here's something i'm going to try next week. i'm going to do my usual career-chat with our current crop of interns... of course we'll do resume and interview do's and don'ts as we always do - but i've decided that this time, i also am going prep them for that first job offer and talk about the PR industry's salaries. and to start the discussion, i think i'm going to ask them what they expect to be offered in their first "real" PR job. i'm already giddy thinking about the responses they will give me: $46K! $50K! and then i'll burst their bubble and knock 'em over with the reality. they need to hear it straight from the horse's mouth, right?

and while i'm on my soapbox with them, i think i might as well take the time to have the talk with them about this being a career path and there being earning potential in the end - but they've gotta pay their dues. it's a reality check conversation, really. to not forget about the big picture - to think about the long term. it seems this is the party line of late... think about the long term. we've been saying the same thing to staff about their 401(k)'s... but that's an entirely different blog posting.

So, What Questions Do You Have for Me?

i hate it when candidates don't ask me questions during the interview process. i do a pretty good job of giving you the history, the big picture, how the position you're interviewing for fits into the grand scheme... but you HAVE to have questions. there's no way i covered it all, so it kills me when you don't.

for those who need some help drumming up some questions to ask me or the hiring manager or your potential team mates? check out these on Workforce. they are separated out by:

• Questions for Headhunters and Recruiters
• Questions for HR
• Questions for Hiring Managers
• High-level Probing Questions
• Questions That Are Defensive
• Questions Designed to Get Feedback
• Questions Designed to Close the Deal
• Questions Stars May Ask

admittedly, some of these are cheesy... but you get the drift and can probably re-purpose them as appropriate. just don't be the guy who asked me once... "So, do you guys have potlucks very often? I make a really good chili." threw me off a bit... but i suppose it was memorable. enjoy.