Hey Boyfriend? Can You Help Me Find A New Job?

i received a call and then an email from this guy yesterday. the email read:

Good Afternoon Mrs. Lee,

First off let me start off by saying, I'm by no means a recruiter/HR firm/HR agency. I'm only here to help out my friend with finding a strong and reliable firm and your company is one to be highly recommended.

So on that note, I'm proud to say that <<name removed to protect her from shame, lol>> is not only a perfect candidate but also an asset to you. I've seen her grow strongly with her efforts at <<school name removed to protect them from shame>> and strived to grasp all aspects in the PR industry...

the email went on.

a little confused, i compared his company name against her resume as he sent the email from a work account and referenced who he worked for in his voice mail too... but no clarity on what his relationship was with the gal whose resume he sent. so i did the most logical thing - i emailed him back and simply asked why he was contacting me instead of her contacting me directly. his response? it was his girlfriend whose resume was attached. her email was down, and he was contacting me on her behalf. is this weird to anyone else?

i know times are tough, but for job seekers out there, you have to be your own advocate. i won't accept calls from your mother, brother, father, uncle or significant other. you're an adult and you've got to do this on your own. we all have advisers we seek out and turn to for advice - but they can't do the dirty work for you. what this simple act translated to is me thinking that the job seeker isn't able to act independently and that she lacked resourcefulness. if her internet was down, she should have gone to the library or Kinkos or a friend's house if she wanted to get her resume to me that badly. and sadly, it reinforced negative stereotypes about millennials and their reliance on helicopter parents (or pseudo replacements like a boyfriend.)

the little act of job seeking pity hearkened me back to a piece ran that in the New York Times a few weeks ago on the family that job hunts together. i had to appreciate the story providing a glimpse into what the realities are of the job market - at every generation level... but what it highlighted is that families can commiserate together. they can share strategies - but we didn't see in the article family members becoming each others spokesperson or henchman. mommy or your boyfriend can't come with you to your interview, right? at a certain point, you've gotta do this on your own.

now what i do want to learn from this candidate? how she got her boyfriend to do this for her because how awesome would it be if i could get a guy to pick up my dry cleaning, take out the trash and schedule an appointment for my next haircut, pick up a present for my niece's birthday, schedule and book travel for my next trip, fix my leaking bathroom sink.. i've got a honey-do list sitting around here somewhere...

Comments

[Lance Haun]

Great post Jessica.

I think the idea of using your network (including parents, boyfriends, etc...) to help you find a job has been wildly spun out of control into this world of them actually asking for you. I made several connections thanks to family and friends but none of them panned out to anything more than a networking partner.

You've got to do it yourself.

[Ask a Manager]

Wow. This makes me feel gross. If I found out my boyfriend had done this behind my back, I'd be pissed. It's so ... condescending.

[jessica lee]

@lance - for sure. networking partners is where it stops!

@ask a manager - but it wasn't behind her back! she followed up with me just a few bits ago saying the BF contacted me yesterday and now she's following up... hello? is this some weird form of codependency or what?!

[Ask a Manager / Alison Green]

Oh, even worse! I wanted to believe she didn't know about it and that he was just controlling and overstepping boundaries. Ugh, but she knew.

It would be really hard to resist the temptation of calling her out on this (but then I'm a bitch in that way). Are you going to mention it? We need to know the aftermath...

[Brian Batchelder]

This was classic. I have had parents call on behalf of prospective summer interns, but this is a new one.